Never fear, I plan to recreate my expeditions around Europe over the next few posts through a series of travel diaries and photo journals.
I was so in need of a holiday before I went away in August. Finally, trying to juggle earning some money, starting a business, crafting everyday and keeping track of theatre company stuff in the evenings had begun to take its toll and is proving a tricky beast to overcome. To be very honest (baring all here!), the last few weeks have been hard. I seem to have lost my way and I suppose my sense of self. I'm not sure where I'm going with my business anymore. I feel as if I am attempting something in a very talent crowded environment (deja vu of my experiences in acting, yet dissimilar in the fact with acting I got sick of seeing talentless people succeed). I look on blogs and amazing crafter websites and I see skills that far surpass my own and I think, 'who am I kidding? what do I possibly hope to achieve here??' I absolutely love knitting. It is my haven from the stresses of everyday life. And yet, there are so may people who are light years ahead of me in terms of mastering the techniques. Yet, I'm only young. I must give myself time to learn.
Amongst all this confusion and sense of exclusion from others, I have experienced some of the happiest moments of my life. I am finally waking up every morning with the man I am crazy about. He is my strength and I know that anything could happen to me in life, and I would still count myself extremely lucky because I have the love of an extremely genuine, honest, warm man who will always stand by me. We have been through a lot together and I feel we are stronger than ever right now. It makes me inexpressibly happy just to make him his dinner when he comes home from work.
With times of strife also come the times when you learn who you can really rely on. You may absolutely adore some of your friends but I bet you only one or two can be counted on whenever you need them, absolutely every time. The majority of my friends haven't a clue that I've not been good recently. I have resolved to work hard to maintain my close relationships and be more discerning when I'm being used, which I often find hard to discern.
I have a lot of resolutions this month. I've given myself a tall order but I'm also not going to be too hard on myself. Although I feel I have lost some of my personal sense of self, I feel I am discovering my identity with fashion. What I truly like and what suits me. For instance, my craves this A/W....Raccoon beanie, River Island
Parka, River Island
Boots, River Island
Thanks for listening. I think I really needed that.